The Jack of All Sports on 105.7 The FAN Baltimore

I am all for buying sports memorabilia, and team shirts/hats/shorts and the likes. It’s a great way to support your team and show your spirit to others…but as great as all that may be, there is something very dark that has happened with sports wares. People have now taken the once innocent hat and tried to bastardize it into something so ignorant and childish that it has made me hate every single person between the age of 15 and 22.

What is worse than someone wearing their hat cocked to the side with the stickers still on it? Only one thing: terrorism. I was recently at a college basketball game and noticed a trend that I have been aware of, but never knew it had gotten this bad. Sports hats worn with a flat brim and cocked to one side. It has afflicted even the gangliest looking, computer science studying fellow. Do these kids not realize just how childish and ridiculous they look? I was raised to wear hats correctly, and in the correct team colors. Have you seen the hats that look more neon than a strip club at night? Terrible and embarrassing. Do they think they are being “ironic?” If my child was caught wearing a neon yellow Orioles hat, I would walk him to the fireplace and let him do the honors.

This is why I mostly blame the parents. In my opinion kids (up to 22) should be placed in foster care if they are found wearing their hat like that. Reason being, it shows a complete lack of care and upbringing from their family. These kids could use the stern hand from a father and the disgusted look from a mother to get them through that ridiculous phase.

Where do guys get the idea to wear their hat like that? It’s certainly not from people that respect themselves and have a full time job. What makes me sad is that these kids are getting a college education. In a brief conversation with JAS’ Pat Cary, we both agreed that it would benefit this great nation if we offered a course at the college level called “Growing Up to be a Productive and Respectable Person” (LFE 150) which would be required to all students whose families had failed them. While the first day of class would probably be about dropping facebook and twitter, day two would certainly be about how to properly wear your clothes and remove tags.

Maybe I should place more blame on girls. It seems that females are losing respect for themselves at an alarming rate. How can I tell? Well, look at the amount of guys who wear their hats cock-eyed that have girlfriends. It’s impossible and implausible to imagine that they find this attractive but somehow it must be true. My assumption is that girls that date cock-eyed hat wearers have below a 2.3 cumulative GPA and only get motivated by drinking and facebook status updates.

Of course I have only been referencing college kids, but there is something very sick inside me that says that older people are doing this as well. If you happen to be one of these miserable people, do me a favor and look in the mirror and ask yourself if it’s ok that you look like a child who has no idea how to dress himself. If you’re ok with it, then I am ok with it. It will be comforting to know that we will never compete for the same jobs.

~ Gordon Southard, JAS Life Coach

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